


Multifandom Incorrect Quotes

by ThatWinchesterGirl67



Category: Lucifer (TV), Merlin (TV), Riverdale (TV 2017), Supernatural
Genre: Crack, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Funny, Incorrect Quotes, Multi, Random & Short
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-02-05
Packaged: 2019-10-02 07:09:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 43
Words: 3,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17259818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatWinchesterGirl67/pseuds/ThatWinchesterGirl67
Summary: A bunch of incorrect quotes for mainly Supernatural and Riverdale with some Lucifer and MerlinI don't own these quotes. Credits to Tumblr for most of them.





	1. Riverdale #1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm going to be putting three incorrect quotes in one chapter just so there isn't as many chapters :)

Toni: You're pretty cute when you're nice.

Cheryl: What am I when I'm not nice?

Toni: Hot as fuck.

* * *

Toni: On a scale from 1 to 10, you're a 9 because I'm the 1 you need.

Cheryl: What, I'm definitely a 10.

Toni: Cheryl, no, it's a pickup-

Cheryl: I. Am. A. 10.

* * *

Archie: True or Dare.

Betty, exasperated: Truth.

Archie: Do you want to kiss me?

Betty: Dare.

Archie leans in: I dare you to kiss me.

Betty: Never have I ever -

Archie: THaT's nOT ThE gAMe

 

 


	2. Supernatural #1

Gabriel: I do what I want!

Dean: I'm calling Sam.

Gabriel: No wait.

* * *

 Dean: Be the bigger person.

Rowena: No, I'm 5"3 and bitter, you be the bigger person.

* * *

 Gabriel: When you have your mood swings do you want space or attention?

Lucifer: Yes.


	3. Riverdale #2

Veronica: This is a disaster! The printer messed up the invitation! It's supposed to say "Cheryl's Birthday!"

Toni: What does it say instead?

Veronica: "Cheryl's Bi."

Toni: Hey, I mean it could still work.

* * *

 Toni: Sweet Pea called me short! I'm not short!

Fangs: That's right Toni! Go kick him in the ankles!

Toni: Fuck you.

* * *

 FP: You can't tell anyone yet.

Jughead: I just told Sweet Pea.

Sweet Pea: I just told Fangs.

Fangs: I told many, many people.

 


	4. Supernatural #2

Dean: I'm AmeriCAN not AmeriCAN'T.

Sam: You Amerishouldn't

* * *

 Sam at Gabriel's funeral: Can I have a moment with him?

Dean: Of course.

Sam leaning over Gabe's coffin: Now listen, I know you're not dead.

Gabriel: Yeah no shit.

* * *

 Sam: Gabriel, I'm not trying to be rude ... but you died.

Gabriel: Yeah, I know, I was there.


	5. Riverdale #3

Cheryl: Toni texted me "your adorable" so I texted her back and said, "no, YOU'RE adorable."

Veronica: And?

Cheryl: And now we're dating. We've been on six dates. All I did was point out a typo, but I like her so I'm not gonna say anything.

* * *

 FP: What scares you the most?

Fangs: Werewolves!

Toni: The dark!

Jughead: The unstoppable marching of time that is slowly guiding us towards out inevitable death.

Sweet Pea: Sharks!

* * *

 Cheryl: Woah, Toni's so pretty.

Veronica: Don't be jealous Cheryl, you're pretty too.

Cheryl: I'm not being jealous Veronica, I'm being gay.


	6. Supernatural #3

Dean: I mean small animals are way more vicious. It's because their anger has less space to be bottled up.

Sam: That's ridiculous. Give me one example of this.

Jack: Spiders.

Cas: Wasps.

Jody: Chihuahuas.

Crowley: My mother.

* * *

 Dean picking up a crying baby: It's okay kiddo. When you grow up you'll learn how to do this on the inside.

* * *

 Sam: I just know dad is looking down on me.

Sam: He was always condescending.

Dean: Bold of you to assume that son of a bitch went to heaven.


	7. Riverdale #4

Betty: I need you to be totally straight with me.

Cheryl: (Gay panic)

* * *

 Toni: Whenever a guy sleeps with lots of girls he is a "player" but whenever I do it I'm a "lesbian"

* * *

 Fangs: Truth is, I only know one truly platonic friendship.

Sweet Pea: You and me.

Fangs: Don't make me laugh Sweet Pea. You wanna hit this so bad.


	8. Supernatural #4

Demon: IF YOU WANT TO LIVE GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY!

Dean: Bold of you to assume I want to live and have money.

* * *

 Dean: Strange light in my kitchen, so either getting murdered or abducted. Will keep you updated.

Jack: What if it's Cas?

Dean: Then it's marriage.

* * *

 Dean: Hold the fuck up.

Cas: What?

Dean: Me. I am the fuck up. Please hold me.


	9. Riverdale #5

Betty: How did you get in here?

Jughead: The window, or as I like to call it, the Jughead door.

* * *

 Cheryl: Okay, step 1, be straight.

Toni: Hey Cheryl.

Cheryl: Damn it. Failed step 1.

* * *

 Sisters of Quiet Mercy: Are you practicing homosexuality?

Cheryl: I don't need to practice, I'm very good at it.

 


	10. Supernatural #5

Cas: (Sees Dean try to take a drink from his beer without taking the cap off.)

Cas: He's such an idiot. I can't believe I have to fuck him.

Sam: Well you don't have to fuck him.

Cas: No, I'm going to.

* * *

 Crowley: What's your life motto?

Sam: Single and ready to mingle.

Dean: Bi and ready to die.

* * *

 Sam: Oh, honey, no. I love you too much to let you humiliate yourself this way.

Gabriel: Bitch please, you don't think I can beat you at Mario-Kart.


	11. Riverdale #6

Sweet Pea: Apparently 1 in 5 people are gay, that means one of us is gay.

Sweet Pea: I hope it's Fangs, Fangs is cute.

* * *

 Jughead: You wanna see how badass I am?

Jughead: (Punches a wall.)

Jughead: Can someone take me to the hospital?

* * *

 Betty: Aren't you gay?

Kevin: I like how you imply that I have done something heterosexual. If so, I apologize.


	12. Supernatural #6

Dean: It's not gay if I want to date Cas but as bros, right?

Sam: I'm not an expert, but that sounds pretty gay.

Charlie: I'm an expert. That's gay.

* * *

 Chuck: Ok let's just agree to say sorry on the count of three.

Chuck: Three ... Two ... One

Lucifer: *Silence*

Chuck: *Silence*

Chuck: Well now I'm just disappointed in both of us.

* * *

 Cas: I'm a bad person. I'm a very, very bad person. I'm a horrible person.

Heaven: ...

Cas: "No you're not Castiel! We still love you Castiel!"


	13. Riverdale #7

Cheryl: I like my girls like I like my boys.

Cheryl: That's it. That's the joke.

Cheryl: I'm bisexual.

* * *

Veronica: What are you reading?

Cheryl: A book of things I love.

Veronica: Cheryl that's just a photo album of Toni

Cheryl: Oh, what a coincidence.

* * *

 Sweet Pea: I would fuck you if I could.

Fangs: What?

Sweet Pea: What?

Jughead from across the room: He said he'd fuck you if he could.

 


	14. Supernatural #7

Castiel: Since it's impossible to know which part of my life is the middle, I've decided to have an ongoing crisis.

* * *

 Cas: You cheating lying bastard!

Dean: Oh I'm the cheater? You took everything from me!

Cas: I can't believe I married you!

Dean: Yeah? Well me either!

Sam: I think I'm going to put away the Monopoly board now.

* * *

 Raphael: You're smiling, did something good happen?

Lucifer: Can't I just smile because I want to?

Michael: Gabriel tripped and fell down the stairs.

 


	15. Lucifer #1

Lucifer: Jail's no fun, I'll tell you that.

Trixie: What? You've been?

Lucifer: Once, in Monopoly.

* * *

 Chloe: In times of trouble I think to myself "What would Lucifer do?"

Chloe: And then I do the exact opposite.

* * *

 Chloe: There will come a time when you have the chance to do the right thing.

Lucifer: Oh, I love those moments. I love to wave at them as they pass by.

 


	16. Riverdale #8

Jughead: How's the most beautiful person in the world doing?

Betty: I don't know, how are yo-

Cheryl: I'm great thanks.

* * *

 

Jughead: It's not my birthday.

Betty: It's definitely your birthday.

Jughead: Give me a calendar. It's not and I will prove it to - oh. Never mind. Happy birthday to me.

* * *

 

Toni: I think I need to call Child Protection Services to have Jughead taken away from himself.


	17. Supernatural #8

Crowley: Google how do I get revenge on those who have forsaken me?

Google: The best revenge is letting go and living well.

Crowley: ...

Crowley: Bing how do I-

* * *

 

Dean: (In the shower)

Cas: (Pulls back the curtain.)

Cas: Have you seen - stop screaming it's just me - have you seen my trenchcoat?

* * *

 

Dean: Someone needs to take me out.

Sam: Like on a date or with a sniper?

Dean: Surprise me.

 


	18. Riverdale #9

Archie, lying awake in bed: Hey, are you asleep yet?

Jughead: Yes.

Archie: Oh, okay. I won't bother you then.

(3 hours later)

Archie: Wait a fucking second -

* * *

 

Jughead: Love is dead and never existed. All you did was betray me as I lay sick and festering. You are the definition of dread.

Archie: Are you okay?

Jughead: Betty ate my fucking burger.

* * *

 

Jughead: Okay, I know we've made a slight mistake -

Betty: WHatever you're gonna say, save it for 10 seconds.

Jughead: What happens in 10 seconds?

Betty: Just hang on for another 5 seconds.

Jughead: What happens in 5 seconds?

Alice: (Storming in the room screaming)

Alice: WHAT IN THE HOLY NAME OF GOD WERE YOU THINKING?

 


	19. Supernatural #9

Dean: Ugh my knees are so sore -

Sam: The next words out of your mouth better be "because I was praying all night" or else I'm going to scream.

* * *

 

Gabriel: There are seven wonders of the world, and I am three of them.

* * *

Dean: This is what, the third time I've crashed my own funeral?

Cas: FIfth.

Dean: Really? That many?

 


	20. Riverdale #10

Archie: I don't know why people are obsessed with top or bottom. I'd be happy just to have a bunk bed.

Jughead: Archie, no.

* * *

Ethel: I'm over this dumbass school with all these fake ass people.

Veronica: Hey.

Ethel: Hey!

Ethel: Fucking bitch.

* * *

 

Jughead: I'm gonna kick down the door!

Betty: You could always try -

Jughead: I said I'm GONNA KICK DOWN THE DOOR.

 


	21. Supernatural #10

Gabriel: You know what I've always wondered? How do tall people like you actually sleep at night when the blankets can't possibly cover you from your shoulders to your toes?

Sam: Dude, it's four o'clock in the fucking morning.

Gabriel: So you can't sleep, huh?

Gabriel ... is it because of the blanket?

* * *

 

Gabriel: It's really muggy out today.

Sam: If I go outside and all our mugs are on the lawn I'm leaving you.

Gabriel: (Sips coffee from a bowl.)

* * *

Rowena: Do I date tall people just so they can see me from my best angle? Or is that just a bonus for them?

Sam: I don't know. How tall are you? Cause that'll tell you why you date tall people.

Rowena: I'm 5"3

Sam: You date tall people cause everyone is taller than you.

 


	22. Lucifer #2

Lucifer: I have a science headcanon.

Ella: Can you just say you have a hypothesis like a normal person?

Lucifer: So my science headcanon is -

* * *

 

Lucifer: I'm ignoring you.

Chloe:

Lucifer: I said I'm ignoring you.

Chloe:

Lucifer: Stop ignoring me ignoring you!!

* * *

 

Lucifer: Chloe, do you want to talk about your feelings?

Chloe: No.

Dan: I do.

Lucifer: I know, Dan.

Dan: I'm sad.

Lucifer: I know, Dan.


	23. Riverdale #11

Cheryl: I want you to take me to art museums and make out with me.

Toni: But they say not to touch the masterpieces.

Cheryl: Well someone has to pin them to the wall.

* * *

 

FP: Jughead while I'm away you're in charge.

Jughead: Alright! I'm your man.

FP: I need you to stay out of trouble.

Jughead: Ok I'm kinda your man.

FP: I need you to keep the others out of trouble.

Jughead: You're going to need another man.

* * *

 

FP: (Sneezes)

Alice: Bless you.

FP: (Sneezes)

Alice: Bless you, FP are you okay?

FP: (Sneezes)

Alice: Can you shut the fuck up?

 


	24. Supernatural #11

God: Lucifer hasn't talked to me in two days because I gave him a "get better soon" card.

God: No, he isn't sick, I just think he can do better.

* * *

 

Dean: Cas feel asleep with his head in my lap and kissed my cheek when he woke up. He's so cute. I wish he liked me.

Sam: (Looks into the camera like he's on The Office.)

* * *

 

Charlie: It's okay to be gay. I'm gay, Cas' gay.

Cas: Bye.

Charlie: Oh sorry Bi.

Cas: No I'm leaving now. I'm gay.

 


	25. Riverdale #12

Sweet Pea: Hey wanna bang? 

Sweet Pea: *hang stupid autocorrect.

Fangs: This is a verbal conversation.

* * *

Jughead: I'm this close to falling in love with Betty.

Archie: Jughead, your fingers are literally touching.

Jughead: Exactly.

* * *

 

Cheryl: I love you.

Toni: I love you too.

Cheryl: I love you more.

Toni: I love you more than you love me.

Jughead: I'd love it if you didn't do this in the group chat.

 


	26. Supernatural #12

Michael: I'm Michael with a B and I've been afraid of insects my entire life.

Lucifer: Stop, stop, stop where?

Michael: What?

Lucifer: Where's the B?

Michael: THERE'S A BEE?!

* * *

 

Sam: I have no fears.

Gabriel: What if you woke up one day and Dean was taller than you?

Sam: ...

Sam: I have one fear.

* * *

 

Dean: How many times do I have to tell you I'm not gay?

Sam: (Points at Cas)

Dean: Well, you got me there.

 


	27. Riverdale #13

Betty: You read my diary?

Alice: At first I didn't know it was your diary, I thought it was a very sad, handwritten book.

* * *

 

Cheryl: I started school with straight A's.

Toni: (Walks by)

Cheryl: Now I'm not even straight.

* * *

 

Toni: Hey Cheryl, I need you.

Cheryl: For?

Toni: Ever.

 


	28. Supernatural #13

Jack: Can I get some advice?

Dean: I'm not great at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

* * *

 

Sam doing a crossword: I need a nine letter word for "disappointment."

Dean: Our father.

Sam: ...

Sam: It fits.

* * *

 

Cas: I'm g-

Cas: I'm ga-

Cas: I'm - I'm

Dean: It's okay, take your time.

Cas: BOYS

 


	29. Riverdale #14

Toni: Girls are hot.

Toni: Boys are hot too.

Toni: Why is everyone so hot?

Sweet Pea: Global warning.

* * *

 

Archie: How bad do think it would be if-

Veronica: At least a twenty.

* * *

Alice: Are you sober?

FP: I'm moderately functional.

Alice: I'll take that as a no.

 

 


	30. Supernatural #14

Crowley: Every talk I have with you people gets more and more absurd!

Dean: You say "you people" like you're not part of the family. Well, I got news for you, Crowley. You're already on the Christmas card.

* * *

 

Cas: So, are you seeing someone?

Dean: (Flirtatiously) No why?

Cas: I don't know, I just think a therapist or someone would really help, y'know?

* * *

 

Crowley: I'm going to make your life hell.

Dean: Joke's on you. My life's already hell.

Crowley: ...

Crowley: Are you okay?

Dean: (Whispers) No.


	31. Merlin #1

Gaius: I'll have you know that I am an excellent doctor! Just ask my last patient.

Merlin: I would, but I forgot to bring my shovel.

* * *

 

Arthur: What are your goals?

Merlin: To pet all the dogs.

Arthur: No, fitness goals.

Merlin: To be able to run fast enough to pet all the dogs.

* * *

 

Merlin: Y'know "sleepy is so much cuter than "tired." Everyone needs to stop saying "tired" and start saying "sleepy"

Arthur: I am so sleepy of your shit.

 


	32. Riverdale #15

Jughead: Yeah, I have a plan.

FP: Is it a good one?

Jughead: I have a plan.

* * *

 

Betty: (Sees someone being stupid in the distance.)

Betty: Pffft, what an idiot.

Betty: (Realizes it's Jughead.)

Betty: Oh wait, that's my idiot.

* * *

 

Sweet Pea: I have a solution.

Jughead: Thank goodness.

Sweet Pea: It involves fire.

Jughead: Absolutely not.


	33. Supernatural #15

Gabriel: (Walks into an art museum.)

Gabriel: Hello, I'm here to donate myself.

* * *

 

Dean: It's charming.

Sam: It's probably haunted and we're all going to die.

* * *

 

Someone: Women shouldn't curse.

Jody: Get fucked.

 


	34. Riverdale #16

 

Pop Tate: What would you like?

Jughead: Bring a milkshake with two straws.

Betty: (Blushes)

Jughead: (Puts both straws in his mouth) Look how fast I can drink this.

* * *

 

Sweet Pea: Do you want to know your gay name?

Fangs: My ... gay name?

Sweet Pea: Yeah, it's your first name -

Fangs: Haha very funny.

Sweet Pea, getting down on one knee: and my last name.

Fangs: Oh my god.

* * *

 

FP: Where's Sweet Pea?

Toni: ... Doing things.

FP: And Fangs?

Toni:

FP:

Toni:

FP: He's "things" isn't he?

 


	35. Supernatural #16

Dean: Crowley! I'm going to kill you!

Crowley: I assume I deserve this, but can you tell me why you want to kill me this time?

* * *

 

Cas: You're not in any pain, are you?

Dean: Cas, I'm fine.

Dean: I mean I'm fine physically, but emotionally I've lost all grip on reality and I'm not sure what just happened.

* * *

 

Lucifer: (Stabs Gabriel)

Michael: THIS IS WHY DAD DOESN'T FUCKING LOVE YOU!


	36. Lucifer #3

Chloe: Lucifer, can you do me a small favour?

Lucifer: I'd kill for you but go on.

* * *

 

Chloe: You should style your hair. I think a nice undercut will give that "Don't fuck with me" vibe, you know?

Mazikeen: I mostly use my face for that.

* * *

 

Chloe: Don't say a word.

Lucifer: Fergalicious.

Chloe: I said no words!

Lucifer: Oh I see! Two weeks ago while playing scrabble it's not a word and now suddenly it is a word because it's convenient for you.


	37. Merlin #2

Merlin: (Gets down on one knee)

Morgana: Oh my God, it's finally happening.

Merlin: (Falls over)

Morgana: The poison's kicking in.

* * *

 

Arthur: I hate you.

Merlin: No you don't.

Arthur: (Sighs) No I don't

* * *

 

Gawaine: I'm here to set things right.

Gawaine: And to look dashing. That part's less difficult.


	38. Riverdale #17

FP: Why is Alice always putting the dishes away so loudly?

Betty: To let everyone know that no one helps around the house.

* * *

 

Archie to Veronica: Your smile? It makes my day.

Jughead to Betty: Your eyes? I get lost in them.

Fangs to Sweet Pea: Your bravery? I admire that.

Toni to Cheryl: Your happiness? I live for that.

Kevin: Hotel? Trivago.

* * *

 

Clifford: It's only murder if they find the body. Otherwise, it's just a missing person. Just saying.


	39. Supernatural #17

Gabriel: Do you ever see something that just changes your life and you're like just ... huh ...

Sam: I saw you.

Gabriel: Honestly that's so sweet and it really makes this awkward because I was going to show you a picture of Ryan Reynolds as a turkey.

* * *

 

Castiel, reading a fortune cookie: "If you kill a killer, the number of killers in the world stays the same."

Dean, with a mouth full of takeout: Kill two.

* * *

 

Gabriel: Go big or go home!

Sam: I am begging you, Gabe. For once in your life, go home. Please. Just this once. Go home.

Gabriel, whispering: I'm going big.


	40. Riverdale #18

Veronica and Archie: (Reach for the burger at the same time.) (Hands touch) (Look into each other eyes) (This magic moment plays) (Rose petals fall from the sky)

Betty and Jughead: (Reach for the burger at the same time) (Hands touch)

Jughead: Get the fuck off my burger.

* * *

 

Archie: Wait, did you just flirt with me?

Betty: Have been for the past year but thanks for noticing.

* * *

 

Veronica: you keep a bulletproof vest in your gym locker?

Archie: Yeah. Where do you keep yours?

Veronica: I don't HAVE one.

Archie: A gym locker? Everyone has a gym locker.


	41. Supernatural #18

Dean: Were all on the same side here. We all hate Lucifer. We all want Lucifer dead and we've all seen Cas naked.

Sam: ... I haven't.

* * *

 

Sam: Cas?

Cas: Dean used to call me that.

Sam: That's because it's your fucking name.

* * *

Dean: Cas put salt in my coffee because I annoyed him but I'm going to continue to drink it because I'm petty and won't let him win.

 


	42. Riverdale #19

Jughead: Why aren't there adult-sized playgrounds? Like everything is the same as a kids playground but bigger. Why do we not have those?

Betty: Theme parks. Just theme parks.

Jughead: But you have to pay for theme parks.

Archie: That's the adult part.

Jughead: Son of a bitch.

* * *

 

Betty: Am I in trouble?

Alice: Have a guess.

Betty: I'm not.

Alice: Have another guess.

* * *

 

(Pop and the Black Hood fighting behind the counter.)

Jughead: Can I get a waffle? Can I PLEASE get a waffle?


	43. Supernatural #19

Dean: (Sneaking in through his window)

Sam: (Turning in his chair and flicking the lights on) You want to tell me where you've been all night?

Dean: I-I was with Cas?

Cas: (Turning in his chair) Wanna try again?

* * *

 

Dean: (About Cas) I don't give a damn.

Sam: You give so many damns they're visible from SPACE.

* * *

 

Cas: I hate you.

Crowley: Why? I'm lovely.


End file.
